There’s the ex: new hair cut looking sharp, a big old smile pasted on their face, phone pinging with Tinder notifications while the kids happily gaze up at them. Have they been working out?
Then there’s you: bags under your eyes from another sleepless night and a mind that’s jumping between your bank balance and your break-up.
What on God’s green earth is going on, you wonder. How do they have it all together, and so quickly?!
The truth is, they probably don’t. And even if they do, I’m here to tell you: it doesn’t matter. Moving forward from a separation or divorce is dependent on ditching the comparison game. Forget the bitterness, and tell those mean little voices who are trying to convince you you’re not good enough to hit the road. You CAN attract all the good things that you desire into your life.
It’s all about mindset. And yes, I get that when you’re heart-broken, bitter, feeling like you are trapped in a situation that someone else put you in, it is hard (really hard) to stop the negative thoughts from taking over.
Louise Hay put this best when she urged us all to adopt the mindset: “Only good lies before me”. In other words, no matter what life throws at you, it’s all going to work out for the best.
But how do you go from exhausted to enlightened? I won’t lie, it’s not easy—but it is worth it.
The four ways to shift your mindset and create the life you desire:
1. Open your mind
The ex used a word you don’t like. The ex’s new partner dressed a certain way in front of the kids. There was a crazy driver behind you in peak hour. The ex made a comment about you running late to collect the kids. You were unimpressed with your latest legal bill. The children gave you attitude because they are struggling to deal with the two-home situation.
I’ve been there. But according to Wayne Dyer, philosopher, self-help author, and a motivational speaker, “most people actually spend their lives looking for occasions to be offended. They’re actually out there hoping to find some reason to be offended. And, there is no shortage of reasons – they are out there everywhere”.
Another phrase for it is the victim mentality. And when that’s where our head’s at, we’re closing our mind to what is possible for us. “Having an open mind means opening yourself up to the potentiality, and the possibility, that everything and anything is possible”. It’s a mindset that says, “I’m never looking for something to be offended by”.
Tip: Start by noticing when you do this. And when you do catch yourself, turn it around to find something in that very moment to be grateful for.
2. You can’t see gold if you’re always looking for blue
Imagine you just bought a new car. You’re bubbling with excitement… it’s a brand-new-to-market make and colour. It’s definitely going to turn heads on the road.
You leave the car dealership, turn the corner and then O.M.G. – there is the exact same car. Two minutes down the road – another – exactly the same. And another. In total, five of them before you get home. It happens every time!
Why is this? Simple: once you make yourself aware of something – you start to notice it, and you begin to attract it.
How does this relate to you dealing with a split, or to you being jealous of your ex’s amazing new life?
Well, if all you see is that your ex has it all together, and you DON’T….that’s all you are going to see (and that’s the way it’s going to be, and feel, for a long, long time!).
Tip: Try flipping this around (and while you’re at it, take your ex out of the thought equation all together). Start pushing the thought that YOU have it all together. Start seeing GOLD not BLUE. Everyday… all day long. Focus on what YOU desire.
3. You already have everything
Did you know that floating out there in the Universe – right now – is absolutely every reality you will ever desire?
The problem: you are simply not experiencing it yet.
Neale Donald Walsch says, “You need to reach into the sea of infinite possibilities and call for it – the reality you now choose to experience.”
‘How exactly do you call for it?’, I hear you ask. With your thoughts, words and actions, of course: what you say, what you think or believe, and what you do.
There is a catch, though.
You need to be strategic in the way you request things – particularly by being aware of the driving motivation behind your wish.
Let’s break that down.
Wish: I want a nicer home (your mindset: because I can’t survive in this cramped little box). Universe says “YES”.
Wish: I need more money (your mindset: because I can’t afford the groceries this week). Universe says “YES”.
Wish: I’d like to be slimmer (your mindset: because I feel and look terrible this way). Universe says, “YES”.
What is the Universe actually saying yes to? Your mindset – not your wish.
If your statement comes from the deep seeded thought that you do not have any (money, happiness, fitness etc.), you will struggle to see results. Your thoughts have a huge influence on the final outcome.
This is where affirmations come in handy. Think about it: if you tell yourself more times in a day that you are unhappy than you are happy, or poor than rich, or fat and flabby than trim, taut and terrific… guess who wins? That’s right: Mr. Unhappy, Mr. Poor, and Mr. Fat and Flabby.
Tip: Write yourself some affirmations. Write them on sticky notes – put them everywhere around the house, on the dash of your car, on your desk at work, reminders on your phone, on the mirror in the bathroom.
I am strong.
I am gorgeous.
I am bold.
I have a heart of gold.
I can achieve anything I set my mind to.
There is an abundance of money in and around my life.
I am an amazing parent.
I am fit and healthy.
I am doing a great job.
I give myself permission to shine and be happy everyday.
Come up with your own powerful affirmations. Or, for suggestions check out websites like Louise Hay’s. Live by these affirmations, and watch the goodness start to flow into your life.
4. Sending out the right vibrations
It’s no coincidence that when a thought pops into your head about someone you’d promised to call (but didn’t) you unexpectedly bump into this person on the street.
“I was just about to call you!”, you blurt out. Or stumble through, “Oh, I was just thinking of you!”.
Incredibly there’s actually a rhyme and reason to this: a science of super powers.
It’s called The Law of Vibration. This law states that everything is vibrating with energy. Absolutely everything – a chair, a book, a tree, an animal, people, our emotions and thoughts. We are living in a massive sea of energy.
Speaker and author Camillo Loken says, “Our thoughts are on a certain vibrational frequency and hence are part of the vibrating universe. The Law of Attraction, which is based on The Law of Vibration, states that we attract what we are sending out. Hence positive energies attract positive energies and negative energies attract negative energies.”
“Thought is the most potent vibration – so this means you CAN attract to you what you want and wish for.”
“When you know that your thoughts and emotions are vibrating (The Law of Vibration) and you know that “like attracts like” (The Law of Attraction) you will appreciate that you can now start to alter your life just by altering your thoughts and emotions.”
Just asking the universe for things (like happiness, love, money) is sadly not quite enough to get the job done. You must make sure your emotions and feelings are in harmony with your wish, too. “You need to “fall in love” with what you want in order to be in the correct vibrational state”, says Loken.
Tip: Watch Bob Proctor’s Youtube video on thought vibrations and The Law of Attraction to understand this concept fully.
You CAN have what you desire, today!
To Hell with circumstances. I make opportunities! – Bruce Lee
Whether you’re at the beginning, middle or end of your separation or divorce, I encourage you to learn these lessons and be the creator of your own circumstances from here on in.
Mix with happier people that are vibrating on a higher level than you are now – these people will lift your energy, your vibrations and your awareness. These people feel good to be around and in turn increase your feel-good factor.
If you’re aware to the fact that you’re not happy, it’s because the universe is sending you a message. Lift your positive outlook game, and awareness, to attract what you desire.
Always expect the best.
And make yourself extremely aware of that which you DO want (not what you don’t have). You need to focus your energy and vibrations on the specific goal – what you desire. Go for it!
If you’re currently facing the reality of a breakup, separation, divorce, co-parenting journey or are a victim of domestic abuse, there is now an app to help you document absolutely everything – information, communication and evidence – so you’re ready for whatever legal obligations that may arise.Download on Google Play
For more support, download my FREE e-book, 5 Separation & Divorce Hacks. It’s packed with helpful tips and advice from those who’ve been right where you are now. It will help you go in the right direction faster, and less painfully.
I’d love to know what affirmations you’re focusing on right now. Let me know in the comments below.
You’re doing just fine. Take it one day at a time. And remember, be especially kind to yourself.
Founder | Hello Mojo