After everything that 2020 threw at us, I hope 2021 has started out a LOT more settled and positive… or at least a bit more chilled.
With the kids back at school (for some of you superhuman parents that means you’re still homeschooling like champions) I do hope you’re able to find a few more moments in the day to focus on what YOU need.
How are those New Year resolutions going? Do you have a happiness goal for this year?
One of my biggest tips is to become really good at goal setting – not just when it comes to your money, fitness or career goals either.
There’s no perfect way to set goals, but today we’re talking about three happiness goals you could set to set yourself up for a great year.
Don’t resist it – goal setting is free and I’m here to help!
So here goes… there are three major areas I want you to set goals around to really transform your relationship with living your best life and getting your mojo back.
Step One: Set a mindset goal
Investing in your own personal growth and opening yourself up to new ways of thinking (and being) by making a mindset goal is a great sign to the Universe that you’re ready for more positive experiences and opportunities to show up.
Before I started getting really into manifestation and mindset work, I used to give my energy and thoughts away FOR FREE to people and problems that looking back I know didn’t deserve them.
In part, giving my energy and thoughts away was subconscious.
In part, I didn’t know any better.
But most of all doing this helped reinforce my victim mindset.
Still, at the end of each day, I was in the same place. No growth. No healing. No progress towards a happier life no matter how much blame I dished up or how many times I replayed events over and over in my head expecting a different outcome.
I lived in a state of constant emotional stress, but somehow it felt “normal” to be living in that up and down mode.
YOU have permission to have emotional freedom and live a wonderful life.
So set a mindset goal, and take action today too. Start by acknowledging and embracing imperfection in both yourself and others. We all have our flaws, peculiarities, and weirdness—our imperfections. Like the small black mole on Marilyn Monroe’s face, our imperfections make us unique.
Choose to accept people (including yourself) the way they are and the way they are not. And remember everyone sees things from a different perspective.
Step Two: Set a well-being goal
Well-being is another area that we often sabotage ourselves with.
Drowning your sorrows with wine, staying up late binge watching Bridgerton to avoid jumping into an empty bed, being over-reactive to tiny little things that your children do, shallow breathing and clenching your teeth to deal with stress all keeps you trapped and moody… and ultimately, this causes more long-term harm than short-term gain.
Pretty much all of my 30’s (post-divorce) I was emotionally, physically and financially stressed out.
But this way of being was also really socially acceptable. Most of my friends who were in the same boat of ‘divorce’ were red-lining as well. As were many who were married, too.
There’s an energetic comfort level around being unhappy that can be tricky to face. You might also be using your divorce as an excuse to not take action in your life and feel healthy.
When you make the decision to get your mojo back, it can mean choosing a corresponding rise in your social interactions and the opportunity for new adventures, which often brings out some of your fears and blocks.
It takes commitment and guts to make a plan to improve your well-being and then follow through with it, and you need to support yourself as much as possible, in every way you can.
It’s such a great feeling when you choose self-care and self-love.
Breaking out of an unhealthy way of life is a mindset, and maintaining good health and well-being takes commitment to taking both practical and mindset-supporting steps.
The first step is to take stock of how ‘unhealthy’ your lifestyle really is. Face it in black and white.
Then, like Marie Kondo, spring clean your daily routine and keep only habits that spark joy and bring you good health. Focus on sleep, nutrition, breathing, and hydration as a start.
I’ve got a lot more to say on this topic, so check out my blog for a specific post on this.
But – make sure you have improving your well-being on your goal list for this year
Step Three: Set a communication goal.
But not just your overall goal. I want you to set goals around communicating with different people in your life.
In particular, set a communication goal for how you interact with your Ex, AND your children, AND your family and friends (those special people you just love downloading to).
If you’ve been wanting to create a different outcome from your interactions with people in your life, then it’s probably not going to happen without setting a really clear intention to do it.
Because you’re probably going to face some resistance and find it very easy to fall back into past ways of being as a result of an underlying unhelpful mindset that it’s not allowed to be easy.
So – how would you like to see your relationships with these people change in the next year?
Perhaps you want to just pick ONE relationship to change through your new communication style.
Start small and this will have a ripple effect.
First things first — know that the other person you are communicating with has a different perspective than you and sees the topic of conversation from a completely different point of view.
There may not be a right and wrong answer. There may in fact be two right answers.
Ask yourself how you think this person is feeling first. Take a guess at what their priority may be (what is important to THEM right now) before you begin the conversation. This will help you have empathy and compassion where needed, and be assertive so you have the best opportunity to ensure each party has a fair and equal outcome.
Make a pack to listen. Really listen.
Take time with your words. Breathe. Allow other’s words to settle within you before you speak. Giving a nod or saying “I see” gives you time to answer with grace and value.
So – where should you write these goals – do you need a fancy online system?
NOPE – you could use a simple goal setting diary. Or even better, write them on a piece of paper and stick them to your kitchen wall, shower or in your office.
And repetition is key. Every day you could write your goals out in a journal, something like:
- “I am continually opening my mind to new and positive ways of living!”
- “I get 8 hours of sleep a night and nourish my body and soul with good food, air and hydration.”, and
- “I communicate with ease, compassion, understanding and assertiveness while always listening to others points of view.”
You’ve got this! This is YOUR year, my friend!
It’s also worth your while to re-visit the Health and Well-Being section in my FREE e-book, 5 Separation and Divorce Hacks for loads of extra hints and tips.