Annie Kendall, Author at Hello Mojo

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Her Blog

It’s no secret: the first few weeks (and sometimes months) of a separation or divorce can feel like a never ending cycle of really, really bad days.

Suddenly, everything is unknown. And, if you’re like me, crying becomes your new conversation starter.

Is this really happening to me?
What am I going to do now?
Who am I supposed to be if I’m not with them?
What about our dreams and plans?
What am I supposed to tell the children?

It would be brilliant if we had superpowers that allowed us to bypass this stage of a breakup. But alas, no can do.

Right now, you’re probably overwhelmed by your unfolding situation, the needs of your children, legal advice, and the arrival of many unknown and highly volatile emotions. Yes?

So, the idea that you’d have time, or even the ability, to prescribe regular self-care at this stagehmm, it’s right up there with the idea that pigs may fly!

Well: so far, so normal. (I know because I’ve been there.)

For everyone else (happily married or happily single): a bad day may come along once or twice a year. And when it does, don’t we hear about it! These folk certainly know how to make hay while the sun shines. They go wild for treatments that pamper and soothe their soul. And, in no time at all: a three-day yoga retreat, colonics, a green juice and a few massages later they are fully revived, refreshed and ready to take on the world. (I know, I’ve been there too!)

So, why is it that when we’re going through a separation or divorce – one of the toughest experiences we can ever go through – self-care is as far from our minds as possible?

We don’t prioritise it and we certainly don’t give ourselves permission to have those ever so important me-time moments very often, if at all.

Perhaps the idea of self-care has not even crossed your mind? You view it as a selfish act at such a difficult and financially pressing time of life? You feel guilty? You’re fearful of not being able to attend to so many other more pressing matters? I could go on and on.

What is self-care?

Self-Care: “refers to actions and attitudes which contribute to the maintenance of well-being and personal health and promote human development.” – according to Wikipedia.

Well, I’d give myself a D+ with regards to how I dealt with self-care throughout my journey. My excuse: I had a baby and a toddler to take care of. They needed me.

In hindsight, my choice not to dish out self-care on a regular basis (although my excuse was absolutely valid) left me feeling emotionally and physically drained, stressed and angry most of the time. I gave myself no space or time around the avalanche of emotions to step back and reflect on what had happened or to focus on the benefits of consciously uncoupling and choosing how I wanted this experience to play-out.

Had I committed to a daily dose of self-care, I would’ve been a much more present mama, daughter, sister and friend. I would’ve dealt with a number of things differently.

And, (here’s the winning ticket) I know I would’ve come out the other side of divorce much faster than I actually did.

So, listen up: making time for self-care is uber important throughout your separation or divorce. There’s nothing to lose and everything to gain.

It’s absolutely OK to take time out for you, especially now. Don’t feel that you need to justify it – not to yourself, not anyone. You need this time as much as your family needs you to have it. Let all the painful or angry thoughts (and voices) in your head take a bathroom break.

And…get back in touch with YOU.

So, I want to share with you some of the ways that you can focus on your self-care each day. Ideas that don’t cost the world (or in fact anything at all) and certainly don’t require much preparation or indeed a three-day retreat to achieve results.

1. Get a dose of nature. Sit in your garden & simply admire the beauty of nature. Breathe. Zoom in on a bird gliding by, a beautiful flower or a ant going about his busy day. And remember: thank Mother Earth for all that she provides you. Here’s 11 cool scientific reasons that proves nature relaxes.

2. Take a bath with gorgeous essential oils and Epsom salts, and listen to some relaxing music or a meditation. When Epsom salt is dissolved in warm water, the magnesium is absorbed through the skin to help replenish magnesium levels in the body. Magnesium helps promote a feeling of calm and relaxation. It also increases energy and reduces irritability. Here are some tips to get started: HERE

3. Re-live your childhood. Think of 3 things you loved doing as a child and re-visit them. Think swimming at the beach, swinging on a swing at the park, or painting – that’s a big one. Painting and having a creative outlet can be like a form of meditation. It can lower your heart rate, reduce your stress and energise your spirit. You don’t have to be creative. You just have to give yourself permission to be the beginner. Here are some great steps to get started.

4. Star gaze. Lie down and just stare up at the stars. This can help put things in perspective.

5. Time for an e-tox! That’s right, a detox of all things electronic. Seriously: NO phone, NO computer and NO devices. If you really feel the need to, let people know the day before that you will be off the air or put a new voice mail on your phone. The true lesson here: it’s all about NOT feeling guilty. It’s OK (even liberating) to be uncontactable and not respond immediately. When you get this one right – you’ll feel a huge sense of freedom.

6. Rise & shine. Get the kids (or your bestie) up bright and early and drive to a vantage point to watch the sun rise. When you’re broken-hearted, depressed and feeling like the world is going to end, this is an awesome thing to do. Let the sun be your constant. It will always rise for you and bring with it a brand new day full of possibility.

7. An attitude of gratitude multiplies. The beginning stages of a split usually take you to quite a dark and lonely place. It may feel like there’s a hole in your heart and all the happiness and love have leaked out. Usually all you can think (and talk) about is your own pain and hurt. Well, let’s shake this up: turn your attention outward and do a random act of kindness for another. What you put out in the world you get back.

8. Live in the moment. Grab a cup of tea and then sit in your favourite spot. Center your thoughts on what you DO have in your life today. As difficult as things may be right now, try eliminating all thoughts about what you want or wish to have in your life, or where you think you would rather be. Consume your mind with being grateful for here, and now.

9. Pamper yourself. Look up a cheap and cheerful Thai place and get a loooong foot massage. Don’t use this hour of bliss as a counselling session – tell the therapist that you don’t wish to chit-chat. Caution: in the early days of your split when you’re super emotional, a massage can really stir things up: so watch out for this. And, drink plenty of water afterwards.

10. Connect with yourself. Spend the first 5 to 10 minutes of each day rolling your shoulders and neck, taking deep breaths, doing yoga, reciting a mantra or meditating. Get out of bed and put a little extra effort into how you look today. And, before breakfast drink a glass of hot water with lemon.

IMPORTANT: always have a box of tissues on hand during your time of self-care. If you feel like crying (which you probably will), just let the tears flow – don’t hold them in. Feel the emotion, experience the emotion and when you’re done, take a moment to breathe and reflect on how you feel now.

And…START TODAY


The best way to manage the stresses and strains of a separation or divorce is to practise self-care every single day.

It’s also worth your while to re-visit the Health and Well-Being section in my FREE e-book, 5 Separation and Divorce Hacks for loads of extra hints and tips.

If you’re currently facing the reality of a breakup, separation, divorce, co-parenting journey or are a victim of domestic abuse, there is now an app to help you document absolutely everything – information, communication and evidence – so you’re ready for whatever legal obligations that may arise.

Download on the App Store

Download on Google Play


I’d love to know your favourite self-care rituals too. Let me know in the comments below!

You’re doing just fine. Take it one day at a time. And remember, be especially kind to yourself.

Love,






Annie Kendall
Founder | Hello Mojo

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Her Blog

When you held that tiny bundle in your arms for the first time, did you make a wish for your new baby’s future? Did you hope they’d be kind and fair? Did you gaze at your partner and imagine the happy home you’d make as a little family? I know I did.

And what about now? Perhaps when you gaze at your little ones, you have some different things running through your mind: will they be okay with the split? And are they going to turn into the narcissist you’re separating from?

What do we mean when we talk about narcissism? Some common traits are:

  • Charming at first

  • Arrogant

  • Have a sense of superiority

  • Dream of incredible success, beauty and fortune

  • Divide people into winners or losers

  • Constantly seek praise

  • Insults and demeans others to make themselves look superior

  • Regularly speak of how “unfair” life is

  • Blame everybody except themselves for their problems

Sound familiar?

Co-parenting with a narcissist is almost as hard as living with one. But raising a mini one? That’s every (non-narcissistic) parent’s nightmare. So how do you prevent your children from following in those negative footprints? And how do you protect them from all the game-playing by your narcissistic ex?

According to Bill Eddy, a lawyer, therapist, mediator and the President of High Conflict Institute, there are four key skills to teach your children that will immunise them against narcissism.

  1. Flexible Thinking.
    Children need to be taught they’re no better than anybody else, and learn that everybody has strengths and weaknesses. As parents, we should instil in them the expectation of being treated with respect, and how to treat others that way, too.

  2. Managed Emotions.

    Narcissists tend to get really angry when things go the wrong way, and their emotions get way out of control. Emotions shouldn’t be seen as something scary for children–both in others and in themselves–so we need to encourage children to express, name and regulate their emotions in a healthy way.

  3. Moderating Behaviour.
    A narcissist likes to cut people off from their love or attention on a whim. Hello, silent treatment! Children should be encouraged to avoid this all-or-nothing thinking in their relationships. Instead, you could suggest they talk through the issue with the person they are having problems with, or that they back off and give them some space respectfully.

  4. Checking Yourself.

    Narcissists are preoccupied with blaming others for their life, their emotions and their problems. If you can teach your children to check whether they’re using the skills above and encourage them to take responsibility for their own emotions, it’s unlikely you’ll find you have a little narcissist on your hands.

Encouraging these skills in your children plays a big part in guiding their development. But there’s more that you can do as a parent to protect them throughout the split. The key? According to a recent study on parenting through a separation, it’s not about discipline or sticking to a bed time. Instead, it’s crucial to model the behaviour you’re hoping to encourage:

  1. Show unconditional love for your child.

    This is fundamental to their ability to cope with the split, and essential for the development of healthy relationships.

  2. Manage your own stress.
    You can’t be perfect, and your children will see you upset, but it’s the way you deal with those emotions that will make the difference. It’s helpful to express, name and then show your child how you navigate those emotions.

  3. Let them see you in other healthy relationships.

    Watching you interact in friendships, family groups and even with a new partner models what good relationships look like.

Finally, how do you deal with the narcissist who is now your co-parent? Bill says to think of it like a business relationship–and the business is raising your children. And if you can’t have a respectful conversation in person or on the phone, text and email is the way to go… just don’t forget that sometimes things that blow up over email will calm down face to face.

I’d love to hear your tactics for helping your children get through tricky times. Let me know in the comments below.

If you’re currently facing the reality of a breakup, separation or divorce there is now a FREE app that helps you document absolutely everything you need to help protect your rights, your children and your money.

Hello Mojo app, available for download on the App Store and Google Play Store in the USA, UK and Australia, quickly and privately captures the important details required to prepare your case — and, all your ongoing communication and evidence in the one safe place. You’ll always be ready for any legal obligations that may arise.

Download on the App Store

Download on Google Play


For more support, download my FREE e-book, 5 Separation & Divorce Hacks. It’s an easy read and packed with helpful tips and advice from those who’ve been right where you are now. It will help you go in the right direction faster, and less painfully.

You’re doing just fine. Take it one day at a time. And remember, be especially kind to yourself.

Love,







Annie Kendall
CEO/Founder | Hello Mojo

PS.
Are you separating from our spouse or getting divorced?? Be sure to check out The Hello Directory — A one-stop divorce resources directory.  Connect with trusted businesses, products and services both locally and abroad across all aspects of the journey that will support and enrich your separation experience. 

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Her Blog

If you’re reading this post, I’ll assume it’s not just out of curiosity. Instead, I’m guessing there’s a reason why you, your partner or both of you are jointly seeking a divorce.

Perhaps there’s been an affair. Domestic violence. You fell out of love. You and your partner mutually agree the relationship needs to end for one reason or another. Or, one partner may be aspiring for more. 

If you’re at the start of this journey one of the many burning question may be ‘can this reason be consider as legal grounds for divorce?’.

Well–to answer that question you’ll need to know whether you’re filing for divorce in a system that recognizes at-fault or no-fault divorces. And, if you’re residing in an at-fault divorce state what are the legal reasons for divorce.

So, let’s break this down for the USA, Australia and UK.


Grounds for Divorce in the USA

At-Fault Divorces (USA)

There are many reasons for a couple or individual to be considering divorce. The reasons for divorce, however, must ultimately fall into what the court considers to be adequate legal grounds. This means, you will need to provide hard evidence as to the reason or misconduct and subsequent irretrievable breakdown of your marriage. It must also fall into legally defined categories.

The legally accepted reasons for divorce can vary from state to state so be sure to seek legal advice within your state and jurisdiction before proceeding.  

Here are the most common at-fault divorce reasons:

  • Adultery or cheating
  • Bigamy
  • Desertion
  • Mental incapacity at time of marriage
  • Marriage between close relatives
  • Impotence at time of marriage
  • Force or fraud in obtaining the marriage
  • Criminal conviction and/or imprisonment
  • Mental or physical abuse
  • Drug or alcohol addiction
  • Mental illness

No-Fault Divorces (USA)

When you and your spouse want a divorce but neither one of you is at fault (or you don’t have sufficient evidence to prove an at-fault divorce) there is the option to file for a no-fault divorce in most US states. Filing is still based on legal grounds. 

Here are some of the terms that are commonly used to describe a no-fault cases:

  • Irreconcilable differences
  • Incompatibility
  • Irretrievable breakdown

You can find out more on Grounds for Divorce in the USA  here.


Grounds for Divorce in Australia

No-Fault Divorces (Australia)

When granting a divorce to couples in Australia the Federal Circuit Court of Australia does not consider why a marriage ended. The only ground for divorce is that the marriage broke down and there is no reasonable likelihood that the parties will get back together. 

The granting of a divorce does not determine issues of financial support, property distribution or arrangements for children. It simply recognises that the marriage has ended.

You need to satisfy the Court that you and your spouse have lived separately and apart for at least 12 months, and there is no reasonable likelihood of resuming married life. It is possible to live together in the same home and still be separated.

You can find out more on Grounds for Divorce in Australia here.


Grounds for Divorce in the United Kingdom

In England and Wales, a divorce is allowed on the ground that the marriage has irretrievably broken down. The Matrimonial Causes Act 1973 specifies that the marriage may be found to have irretrievably broken down if one of the following is established:

  • Adultery
  • Unreasonable behaviour
  • Desertion (two years)
  • Separation, agreed divorce (two years)
  • Separation, contested divorce (five years)

A divorce in England and Wales is only possible for marriages of more than one year and when the marriage has irretrievably broken down. 

In March 2020, a bill introducing “no-fault” divorces in England and Wales was backed by MPs. The Divorce, Dissolution and Separation Bill passed its first hurdle in the Commons by 231 votes to 16 against, following a debate. The bbc.com reports that the bill is designed to make the legal process, cost and pain of divorce to families and children less painful. 

You can find out more on the Grounds for Divorce in the UK here.

How Should I Proceed?

Legal advice is an essential part of the separation and divorce process. It’s strongly recommended that you get advice relevant to your jurisdiction before you get started. Hello Mojo is not a law firm and does not claim to give legal advice. 

Want to know how you can protect yourself, your children & your money from day one of your separation? Check out our blog post Getting Divorce? 10 Steps for a Savvy Separation for a detailed checklist of everything you need to do.

Hello Mojo’s The Hello Directory  is a trusted hub for you to connect with businesses, products and services that will support and enrich your separation experience. This is a global directory covering every aspect of the separation process from lawyers to divorce coaches, health and wellness specialists to ring resellers, money experts and counselling services plus so much more. The perfect resource to set you off in the right direction. 

For more support download our FREE ebook 5 Separation & Divorce Hacks for loads more tips and information on getting started.

You’re doing just fine.  Take it one day at a time.  And remember, be especially kind to yourself. 

With love & gratitude,



Annie Kendall
Founder | Hello Mojo

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Her Blog

My biggest pain point at the start of this journey (besides the thought of not being able to see my kids every day, and grappling with the harsh reality of being all on my own now) was how to get started with the process of separation. In fact, I had absolutely no idea what should’ve been my first steps for divorce until I met with a lawyer a few weeks after our split.

I arrived at my lawyer’s office with an empty notepad, a pen and my purse stuffed in the side pocket of a baby bag (oh, and I was carrying my sleeping 4-months-old baby). I was trembling with fear. I was 110% underprepared and had never felt so vulnerable.

I sank down into the depths of a big armchair across from my lawyer and was schooled on what was going to happen. The panic set in as I learned more and more about the things I needed to do, or rather, the things I should have done already.

I started on the back foot with the admin process and felt like I never caught up. I was completely overwhelmed, extremely emotional, fearful, and of course stressed that I’d left myself wide open for possible financial ruin.

If only someone had told me the essential must-do first steps for divorce right back in week one!

Well, you won’t have to make the same mistakes or learn the hard way. Here’s the guide I wished someone had given me on day one of my separation.This is just the first steps for divorce; for protecting yourself, your children and your money. Think of it like a personal insurance policy to help you go in the right direction more quickly, and less painfully.

This guide applies even if your situation is amicable. It is not a complete list of everything that you’ll need to do throughout your separation or divorce – it’s just a good place to start in week one. And, did I mention, the information you gather here will be extremely helpful in your first meeting with a legal professional or mediator.

Firstly, here’s what to do in the first 24-hours:

1. Tell someone
And I don’t mean update your Facebook status! Think about telling your parents, a best friend, colleague or even the police: someone that will help you to feel supported, safe and loved. Things are real now and your only choice is to move forwards. Today, you need to breathe deep. You’ve got this.

2. Turn off iCloud sharing on all of the devices
Love it or hate it, you can’t argue: technology enhances and improves our lives in so many amazing ways. But in the wrong hands technology can be used as a tool to control and monitor. From today onwards you don’t need your spouse or ex checking up on your emails, messages or calendar. Stay smart.

3. Jot down those important details swirling around in your head
The “D” word – documenting – is an extremely daunting-but-vital part of the separation and divorce process.  I cover this in more details below. But for today, all you need to do is jot down any important details that spring to mind, and make notes about any incidents that involve you or your children (and stick to the facts).

Stress will impact your ability to remember the finer details – and soon there will be so many things to remember that it’ll become difficult to recall correctly.  Get things on the record while they’re fresh in your mind.

Once you’ve managed to take a breath, you feel as safe and supported as you can be, there are some important steps that you should take.

Next, 10 essential steps to help protect yourself, your children & your money:

1. Get some advice
I know the first week, especially, is extremely tough as you deal with an onslaught of new emotions. You can be too quick to make decisions (and the wrong ones at that). And your actions can be driven by fear or revenge, or one of the other five hundred emotions you are feeling!

As soon as possible get some professional advice on your situation. You may not be in a position to appoint a lawyer in this first week or even want to – but, you should talk with someone about the legal ramifications of ending your marriage or de facto relationship.

Think about contacting a relationship support line, government support agency (both usually free calls) or a legal firm.

2. Take a vacay from social media
Period. Ah-huh… that’s right. Period. NO posting cryptic memes.

3. Communication Caution
What you say, write or do could come back to bite you if your split gets messy (or even if it doesn’t). Careful with SMS, emails, social media and all your conversations (on the phone or in person).

Don’t sign or promise anything to your ex while you are in a heightened state of shock, denial or rage etc. Let your ex know that you need a few days to digest what is going on before you make any firm commitments (and use that opportunity to seek legal advice).

Also, be careful with whom you speak to. Your friends may end up choosing sides (and quite possibly not yours!).

4. Change PIN numbers
Firstly, your email account(s). While you’re at it, set up a new email account to be used for correspondence from lawyers etc. Then go for gold: PINS, usernames and password for everything and anything – banks, investment houses, superannuation, apple ID etc.

Keep all records in a single document and in a secure place. And, check who has their fingerprint registered to be able to unlock your phone.

5. Children

(a) Telling the children:
If your situation is amicable, suggest to your ex that you make an agreement about when and where you will tell the children about what’s going on.

My suggestion is that you first do some research or seek advice on the best way to do this as it varies a great deal by age group. Check out Helping Your Kids Cope with Divorce the Sandcastles Way by M Gary Neuman.

And, never discuss your relationship issues in front of the children (even while you are on the phone). You can buy the book here.

(b) Sorting out a temporary visitation schedule:
If your split means that one parent is moving out, you may wish to draw up an interim parenting plan with your ex as to visitation arrangements for the children.

Ensure that both parties recognise that it is an interim plan until formal arrangements have been made. You should always seek legal advice before any agreements are drawn up or signed.

Removing yourself from the picture (i.e. you leaving the family home without the children) is not recommended as this could potentially impact future custody arrangements. Always, seek legal advice about children’s issues as soon as possible.

And, of course, if you have any concerns about your safety or that of your children be sure to seek support, remove yourself and the children from danger and contact authorities immediately.

(c) Inform the children’s school:
It’s a good idea (in any case), especially if you have concerns, to inform your child’s school (extra-curricular co-ordinators etc) that you are going through a separation.

Ask that they inform you immediately of any odd behaviour by the child or other parent.

Ensure that teachers and carers are aware of which parent is to collect the child from school on which days.

6. Close off your joint accounts
Consider closing your joint account. Talk to your bank to establish your own account with your own pool of money, and make sure the other joint account holder can’t access it.

Check that your pay is going into this new account.

If you don’t close the joint account ask about a dual signature requirement for withdrawal.

7. Cancel your redraw facility
Talk to your bank to cancel any redraw facility on your home loan to make sure your debts don’t grow. This only applies to some markets.

8. Do a financial stocktake

(a) Assets & Debts:
 
Make a quick list of all personal and joint assets and debts (and those for your ex if you have access to the statements). This information will be useful when you seek legal advice. Here is a sample template for assessing a Household Balance Sheet.

(b) Bills & Expenses: 
Depending on your situation, you may need to sit down with your ex and look over the upcoming bills, repayments and standard household costs. Make a list of who agrees to pay for what, if there is a need to make changes. But, as always, seek advice from a legal professional or financial advisor as soon as possible.

You should never be pressured into making a decision or agreement that you are not 100% OK with.

9. Do a household items stocktake
Go room to room and list down anything of value that you feel needs to be on record (don’t forget to visit the garage!).

Take photos of each item of value and make sure the geo-stamp and location tracker are turned on.

Unfortunately, things do go missing during a separation and divorce. If you have something of personal value, consider moving it to a safer location if necessary.

Remember to list the removed item in your property settlement if advised to do so.

10. Start documenting vital information
There are a few ways to do this:
(1) you can grab yourself a notepad and pen, or
(2) allow your lawyer to do the work for you, or
(3) you can download Hello Mojo’s FREE documenting app— a quick and easy mobile-based app designed to get you started on the right foot, keep you organised and get everything on the record — communication, vital information and evidence — start to finish.

Either way, here’s what you need to know about documenting:

First things first, make a decision on how you wish to document.

If you choose to use a WORD doc ensure that the track changes function is turned ON, and always have a backup copy. You will need a hard copy folder for printouts and other evidence.

Start documenting from today onwards. Don’t worry if you have missed documenting vital information, communication and evidence already – you will get to this in time (just don’t delete the SMS and email messages until you have copies on file). Make a few bullet points of past events if you think you will forget.

What to document?
(a) Note down important dates (like your separation date), and the details leading up to your separation (use only facts and non-emotive language).

(b) Do a personal profile for the adults and children in your family (i.e. names, DOB, address, employment, salary etc.).

(c) Keep copies of important communication both in and out (i.e. email, SMS, phone logs etc.), vital information, monies in and out, serious incidents (i.e. domestic abuse etc.), commitments made (i.e. a promise by one parent to take the children to the park and then that parent doesn’t show etc), and all matters relating to the children.

(d) It also a good idea to note down what assets and debts you and your ex brought to the relationship and what contributions either party made to them throughout the relationship.

(e) Lastly, make a quick list of your personal contributions (think: income, household admin, taking care of children etc) during the relationship and also right now.

Make documenting a daily ritual from here on in. Record by date and time. Attempt to link any conversations had over multiple communication channels. Always keep your documents in a safe location. I know this sounds overwhelming — but, you’ve got this (Hello Mojo app will make it easy)!

If you’re on a roll, here are a few extras first steps for divorce to add to your list:

11. Seek legal advice 
It’s a good idea to research your options for legal representation as well as a number of firms before signing up. For a list of interview questions you should ask legal firms, check out my ebook, 5 Separation and Divorce Hacks.

12. Property
If you have property held in joint names, or just in your ex’s name it’s advised that you get some advice about what needs to happen, if property is held in your partner’s name, to prevent it being sold before the property settlement.

13. Wills
On the subject of legal advice – start thinking about updating your will, POA, healthcare directives, superannuation beneficiary nominations and life insurance policy.

14. Sorting out your living arrangements

(a) Discuss what is going to happen with regards to your living arrangements or seek alternative accommodation, if necessary. Always make your safety the top priority and contact authorities if you have any concerns about domestic violence.

(b) Update your rental agreement: if your name is on the lease then you can be liable for any unpaid rent or damage caused by your spouse or ex.

(c) Update your utility bills: if your name is on the account then you can be liable for any unpaid bill.

IMPORTANT FOR EXPATS:

If you live abroad, immediately seek advice on how The Hague Convention Treaty may affect what you can and can’t do.

With these first steps for divorce in hand, hopefully you’re feeling a little less overwhelmed. Hello Mojo’s blog is another great place to start and will give you helpful tips and foster a positive mental attitude for your separation journey.

Have you downloaded Hello Mojo’s FREE Divorce Documenting app? Available on the App Store and Google Play in Australia, USA and UK. The app captures and organises all your divorce admin, communication and evidence in the one safe location – and export to legal professionals to assist with your case at the press of a button.  

Let Hello Mojo help you to secure your best possible outcome.

Download on the App Store

Download on Google Play

For more support, download our FREE ebook, 5 Separation & Divorce Hacks for loads more tips and information on getting started.

You’re doing just fine. Take it one day at a time. And remember, be especially kind to yourself.

With love & gratitude,






Annie Kendall
Founder | Hello Mojo

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Her Blog

At Hello Mojo we’re often asked ‘SHOULD I go back to my former name?’. To help you better understand the ins and outs of this issue, and what to do if you’d like to change your name back after separation or divorce, we talked to Genevieve Dennis at Easy Name Change. Here is her advice.

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If the countdown to Christmas is giving you chills, and every ad showing a happy family enjoying a celebratory lunch is making you well up… I get it. It’s the big moments in the year, like Christmas, that really make it hit home: things have changed. And, yes, when you’re thinking about not being a ‘whole’ family unit anymore, not enjoying your in-laws traditions, having to share your kids on Christmas day, it’s true that the idea of the most wonderful time of the year can feel anything but. Besides, who’s going to put a present under the tree for you?

But here’s the thing. Things are going to be different, sure, but they can be good different. This is the year you get to make Christmas your own. This is the moment you can begin some new traditions. And, with a little preparation, it is possible to crowd out your worries, fears and disappointments with a ton of love, joy, and gratitude. Forget the bitching and the blaming, let’s look at how to make this day emotional for all the right reasons.

Here are five ways to help you get through the holiday season:

1. Plan ahead

It might not be the most fun thing on your to-do list, but make plans with your ex about where the children will spend their holidays now and you’ll be thanking yourself later. 

Now, let’s take care of you. Have a think:

>>> Where will you spend Christmas Day and NYE?

>>> Who will you spend time with? Start sussing out your circle’s plans now.

>>> What will you wear? Is it time to splurge on a new outfit?

>>> What gifts do you want? Be sure you buy yourself exactly what you want this year. Alternatively, give a friend $100 and ask them to surprise you.

>>> Make sure your ex or a relative or friend is tasked with helping your children buy a gift for you, too.

2. Do some good

Christmas can be stressful and costly – or it can be filled with love, gratitude and good deeds. If you fancy the latter, commit to being of service to your community this year – and watch as it warms your heart more than any present. Need some inspiration? 

>>> Bake a cake for a neighbour, or offer to look after their plants if they’re going away.

>>> Visit your local neighbourhood centre on Christmas Day and serve food for the less fortunate.

>>> Gift wrap small bundles of clothes that you or your children have grown out of and deliver to charity.

>>> Between now and Christmas Eve put in one item per day in a basket. Books, biscuits, writing paper and pens, tea bags, a jumper you don’t wear anymore–anything at all you think will bring joy to someone else.

>>> Commit to doing one good deed per day. 

3. Keep it simple

The holiday season will be here before you know it. Don’t set yourself up for failure (or total exhaustion) by planning events every night and all weekend, or by setting unachievable goals in the lead up to Christmas Day. Don’t give yourself any reason to feel like you’ve let yourself down. And when New Year’s Eve comes around set yourself some powerful intentions rather than the usual resolutions, which are usually difficult to restart if you let slip.

4. Have a laugh

Be prepared. Don’t find yourself home alone without the essential rom coms, Christmas flicks and comedies. Make a list early and source the best of the best. Then turn your lounge room into a cinema experience, kick back and have a good laugh.

5. Give to your family

The best gift you can give your child or children this holiday season is the strong sense that the pain you are experiencing does not have to last forever.  I’m not saying that you have to go from breakdown to breakthrough on Christmas night – it’s more about a way of being for your entire journey. Show your children how it’s possible to positively navigate the ups and downs of your breakdown, to be flexible in your thinking, to gently manage your emotions, and then breakthrough to live a life you (and they) love.

If there’s just one thing you take away from all this, let it be this: get things sorted out early, and manage your expectations.

Remember: this Christmas is going to be different, but it can be good different with a little forethought. Will it be emotional? You bet! You’ll need to breathe deep, pop on a positive mindset and surrender in the knowledge that the holiday season gifts opportunities for personal growth like no other.

May your holiday season be filled with love, gratitude… and lots of smiles. You’ve got this!

I’d love to hear all the new traditions you’re starting this year, and the things you’re happy to leave behind. Tell me all about it in the comments below.

If you’re currently facing the reality of a breakup, separation, divorce, co-parenting journey or are a victim of domestic abuse, there is now an app to help you document absolutely everything – information, communication and evidence – so you’re ready for whatever legal obligations that arise.

Download on the App Store

Download on Google Play


Need more? Download my FREE e-book, 5 Separation & Divorce Hacks. It’s packed with helpful tips and advice from those who’ve already walked a mile in your shoes. It will help you go in the right direction faster, and less painfully.

You’re doing just fine. Take it one day at a time. And remember, be especially kind to yourself.

Love,







Annie Kendall
Founder | Hello Mojo

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Her Blog

You might have noticed something kind of strange: when your world falls apart… your body falls apart too. And usually, by the time your health has taken a hit – boom – it’s too late. You’ve got your legal representative. You’ve got your counsellor. You’ve got your accountant. You’ve got your support team. Maybe you’ve even got your settlement and custody agreements all sorted. But do you have your health? Without it, the rest isn’t going to matter much at all. What to do? In the first of this two-part blog post, I’m going to explain how a the stress of breakup can make your health vulnerable. Keep an eye out for part two, where I’ll show you exactly how to divorce-proof your health.

Why does divorce make you sick?

Let’s break it down: The moment a separation or divorce becomes your new reality, your emotions and hormones take over (big time!). They kick start numerous chemical reactions within your body to help you survive the shock of a breakup – you’ve probably heard of the fight or flight reaction. Yep, that’s what’s happening here. Our body’s one incredible machine.

But, here’s the thing…

These days, the separation and divorce process is long, conflict-filled and stressful (on many fronts). This means the fight or flight response period is horribly over-extended, and your body is working overtime to produce chemical reactions well beyond what we actually need — or can cope with. It’s very important to note upfront that for those people who’ve been living in a toxic relationship, it’s possible they’ve been experiencing this fight or flight dynamic for decades. A prolonged period of fight or flight exhausts many elements within your system and throws your entire body chemistry out of whack. Your hormones, your mind, your emotions, your weight, your stress levels: everything gets more and more out of balance… and puts you at serious risk of illness. Sure, but who has time to pay attention? It’s fair enough: during a breakup, you’re so preoccupied with getting through the here and now that it’s easy to miss the telltale signs that your health is falling by the wayside. Or maybe you have noticed, but have just chalked it up to divorce stress that will move swiftly along as soon as your divorce does. I hate to say it, but it won’t, unless you nip it in the bud now.

So, what should we be looking for?

  • Skin irritation

  • Hair falling out

  • Bleeding gums and bad breath

  • A burning sensation in your stomach

  • Insomnia

  • Low energy & fatigue

  • Weight gain or weight loss

  • Bad moods & aggression

  • Headaches

  • Fogginess, dizziness, shortness of breath

  • Low mood

Where body chemistry comes into play

“Your body is its own ‘chemistry set’. It holds the secrets to precisely what your body requires at the specific time.” Nutrition Diagnostics To assess your blood chemistry, doctors order a simple test to check a number of markers in the blood — think iron levels, or white blood cell counts. These markers help identify health conditions and show the overall health of your body’s organs. When your blood chemistry is in balance, your body is better at fighting off disease. When it’s out of balance, you’re more susceptible. Interestingly, a weakened, out of whack body chemistry shows up first in the mouth, in the form of dental decay and gum disease. Why the mouth? Well, poor health all begins with an elevation of glucose in your system (yep, that’s sugar – and you know what that does to your teeth!).

What does sugar have to do with it?

It turns out that there’s a reason STRESSED spelled backward equals DESSERTS. Let me ask you this: what are you eating or drinking to cope with the stress of your separation or divorce? Come on, we’re all friends… it’s something sweet, right? I’m not going to lie: during my separation, chocolate was all that could cheer me up at the end of the day. But it was a toxic relationship: the next day I’d feel even worse… so that night I needed a double serving, naturally! For some of you, the stress reliever of choice may be alcohol (please seek help if this habit becomes unhealthy), which the body actually converts to sugar… so, same problem. Now, insulin is a hormone that moves glucose (blood sugar) from the blood into the body’s cells for energy and storage. When you increase the amount of sugar in your system, this affects insulin production and can result in serious conditions like diabetes, and can damage your kidneys, eyes, and other organs. From here, it’s a domino effect. One thing leads to another, and another. Everything is connected. And, it all starts by you consuming way too much sugar because of that nasty little beast called stress.

The stress trifecta

  1. There are three types of stress that impact your body:Biochemical (toxins in your system or a poor iron status*)

  2. Physical (parenting, intense exercise or your body repairing from injury)

  3. Emotional (everyday pressures, loss or divorce)

Sound familiar? That’s right – you’re pretty much slammed three ways by stress when your relationship or marriage falls apart.

What women need to know

The median age for a woman going through a divorce is 42 years old. So, if you have children, it’s likely that you gave birth in the last 15 years. Creating life (as beautiful as it is) depletes your system of many key elements, including Ferritin (a blood cell protein that contains iron). Most women fail to replenish their Ferritin level post-childbirth. Yep: things are busy and life just gets in the way. What’s worse, you’re a tired, single parent, caving in to the convenience of eating kids’ meals each night (with no steak dinners in sight!).

*Iron is a key component of a healthy immune system.

Facing a stressful event like divorce with a compromised immune system is extremely dangerous. And often there’s another hurdle for women: menopause. To successfully navigate menopause you require iron, too (and lots of it). So, if you’re currently dealing with a stressful breakup, have an already-depleted iron store from bearing children, and are approaching menopause, your immune system is in a severely compromised position. You’re wide open to disease and illness. Think about it: how many women do you know who have been touched by an illness in their late 40’s and 50’s? It’s a ridiculously shocking number.

The good news: you can do things now in the hope of a healthier outcome.

In the next part of this blog post, I’ll share exactly how you can guard your health as you go through even the most hellish divorce. Check it out here. In the meantime, let me know: how is divorce affecting your health? Have you found any strategies that help? Let me know in the comments below. If you’re currently facing the reality of a breakup, separation, divorce, co-parenting journey or are a victim of family or domestic abuse, there is now an app to help you document absolutely everything – information, communication and evidence – so you’re ready for whatever legal obligations that may arise. Download on the App Store Download on Google Play For more support, download my FREE e-book, 5 Separation & Divorce Hacks. It’s packed with helpful tips and advice from those who’ve been right where you are now. It will help you go in the right direction faster, and less painfully. You’re doing just fine. Take it one day at a time. And remember, be especially kind to yourself. With much love & gratitude,

Annie Kendall

Founder | Hello Mojo

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Her Blog

They say it takes a village to raise a child. Well, you guessed it: exactly the same applies when it comes to surviving a separation or divorce.

As early as possible, you need to begin assembling an A-list support team (let’s call them your entourage) to help you break-down, break-through and then move on from your breakup! Now, if you’re already well on the way to legal separation or divorce but still feel isolated or alone – this blog’s for you too!

What you need is a group of people who will act like a nice, cushy layer of bubble wrap – supporting you, guiding you and protecting you (and your children if you have them) from the pain and challenges surrounding separation or divorce.

Finding the right mix of people takes time and can be trial and error. Some might be on your team for a little while; others are in for the long haul. This is absolutely normal – so don’t take it personally if a few people drop out of the picture.

So, who’s in your entourage?
There are those you need to help manage your emotions:
  1. You need people who’ve been through loss and healed

  2. You need a sympathetic shoulder to cry on

  3. You need a professional that can listen and give you exercises to actively move you through your emotions

  4. You need people to soothe your soul and help you heal

Then there’s the crew you need for the practical stuff:
  1. Professionals who can guide you through the process – legally and financially

  2. Someone who isn’t emotionally attached to the situation

  3. Someone to straighten you out when you’re throwing a pity party

Some of us are blessed with a ready-made network of amazing extended families and incredible friends. Others may have some key people, but not all the bases covered. Whatever the case, believe me when I say you need to extend your network and start building your support team – because you can’t walk this journey alone.

Here are 10 tips to help you assemble your entourage

Emotional Support:
  • Carefully choose one or more of the following: a friend, relative, church leader, social worker, counsellor or professional that you can speak to on a regular basis for the purpose of downloading your emotions and heartache. Tell your story. Actively work through your emotions. Be open to personal growth and look inward at YOU during this process too. Don’t bottle things up and brew.

  • NOTE: be careful of people who thrive on drama, invite you to talk more than you want to or encourage you to embellish on reality. These people are not helpful and can set your healing process back a long way.


Legal & Financial:
  • Consider your options for legal representation.There are tips on how to do this in my e-book, 5 Separation and Divorce Hacks.

  • Reconnect with your accountant (or find a new one if there is a conflict of interest with your ex).

  • Find a financial mentor or advisor if you need support crunching the numbers or covering bills.

  • Make contact with a government support officer to discuss options and payments for single parents, children’s benefits or hardship.

  • Appoint a lawyer in the case a business is jointly-owned, or perhaps to get advice on protecting IP if you’ve discussed a new business venture or idea with your ex prior to separation.

  • Download Hello Mojo’s documenting app. It’s specifically designed to help you know where to  start the process, to help you document everything important along the way, and prepare for the unknown.


Mental Health:
  • Make an appointment with a counsellor, social worker, psychologist etc (government support agencies often have a list of professionals you can meet with free of charge). In some countries, doctors prescribe what they call Mental Health Plans to subsidize payment of private Mental Health professionals. Ask your doctor if this type of plan exists in your State.


Personal Safety:
  • If domestic abuse is present, it’s vital you have a police representative or domestic abuse officer on your case and continually updated. You should also have professional counselling support and get familiar with alternate accommodation facilities should you require them.

  • NOTE: domestic abuse covers more than just physical abuse. Conditions of domestic abuse include: physical, verbal, emotional, sexual or psychological abuse (including in person, on the phone, or via email or SMS), neglect, financial abuse (including withholding funds), stalking, harm to an animal or property, restricting your spiritual or cultural participation, or exposing children to the effects of these behaviours. Always seek support or advice from authorities if you have concerns.


Mentoring:
  • If no one within your family or friends springs to mind, search further afield for someone who may be sympathetic to your situation but emotionally unattached. The idea: they mentor you on being able to approach the legalities of your separation or divorce just like it’s a business transaction. They help you remove the emotion from the facts and figures of the legal process, and save you valuable time and tons of money. It’s always good to bounce ideas off someone (other than your legal representative) regarding the merits and cost of battling contentious issues – both for and against you.

  • Connect with someone who has been through a loss and healed. They can inspire you to see the light at the end of the tunnel and believe in love and happiness again.


Religious:
  • If you are in any way religious, or even if you’re not, think about becoming more connected with a place of worship. This can be invaluable in helping you through the dark days and difficult decisions.


Spiritual:
  • If it interests you, meeting with a spiritual reader or psychic may offer some comfort or hope at this difficult time of your life. It did for me!


Child Support:
  • Seek professional support for your children. Student counsellors at your child’s school may be able to offer support for free or point you in the right direction.


Health & Well-Being:
  • Contact a friend, neighbour, yoga studio or personal trainer to lock in some regular exercise times. Not only does exercise offer so many benefits for your body and mind, but also, you are likely to meet new friends along the way. It releases endorphins and helps promote a feeling of well-being you will most likely be struggling with.

  • Speak to a nutritionist or doctor about the most beneficial food & beverage choices – there’s a ton of science and research to support the fact that whole foods and healthy eating can dramatically affect our mood.

  • Write a list of people including your go-to hairdresser, skin and beauty salon, nail parlour, massage therapist, kinesiologist etc. People who can help you with self care and add a little more sparkle when you’re feeling down.


Empowerment:
  • Choose a few books or authors who can deepen your understanding about relationships, breakups and healing, and everything in between. Check out Breakup Emergency by Eris Huemer, or Broken Open by Elizabeth Lesser, or Life Code by Dr Phil.

  • Bookmark pod casts, TED talks and YouTube videos that inspire through others’ acts of kindness, triumphs over adversity and words of wisdom. This uplifting Youtube video features a disabled, female, muslim, comedian discussing how she overcame her challenges in life. OK, it’s totally unrelated to the subject of breakups but gives you perspective; it shows you how humour helps in difficult situations; it shows you that times can be tough but you CAN make it through – move forwards with strength, a positive attitude and determination. Or this Youtube video, for anyone who’s ever loved. Relationships expert Ester Petel examines a completely alternate point of view on infidelity. Opens your mind!

  • Join a positive online forum for support (but, of course, exit the group if it’s making you feel more depressed or idle in your journey).

Important to note: be aware that your family and close friends will live this entire separation and divorce alongside you. They love you. Their support will be genuine and unfailing. However, do keep in mind that they have a life to live as well. Attempt, as best you can, to have a laugh with them from time to time and let your positive ‘old-self’ shine through when possible so your situation doesn’t drain them, too.

So that leads me to my last point: make sure there is someone in your entourage who can make you laugh – out loud and A LOT. I know: it’s not easy to see anything funny in your situation at the start, but little by little you’ll find ways to lighten up. Laughter – and a good sense of humour are some of the best forms of medicine you can get on this journey. This is definitely a case of more is more!

I’d love to know your recommendation for books, resources, people, motivational courses, videos or blogs on the subject of relationships, breakups, healing or overcoming adversity. Let me know in the comments below!

If you’re currently facing the reality of a breakup, separation or divorce, there is now an app to help you document absolutely everything – your important details, any communication and each piece of evidence. Download Hello Mojo app and you’ll be ready for anything, anytime.

Download on the App Store

Download on Google Play


For more support, download my FREE e-book, 5 Separation & Divorce Hacks. It’s packed with helpful tips and advice from those who’ve been right where you are now. It will help you go in the right direction faster, and less painfully.

And I also recommend you read my blog 10 First Steps For Divorce to ensure that you have taken the right steps to protect yourself, your children and your money.

You’re doing just fine. Take it one day at a time. And remember, be especially kind to yourself.

Love,






Annie Kendall
Founder | Hello Mojo

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Her Blog

Facing a brand new year can bring up a whole bunch of emotions: relief, freedom, fear, sadness–and that’s even before we get started on resolutions.

Oh, those pesky promises. When you’ve just gone through a split, it’s tempting to see the brand new shiny year as the time that everything changes. I know, I’ve been there. The first New Year after my marriage split, I only had one resolution: “This year isn’t going to be as bad as last year.” How could it have been?

But by February, amid legal negotiations, it felt worse than ever.

I was livid. I felt cheated. And I’d told everyone I knew that things were on the up.

By announcing my ‘resolution’ to the world, I’d put a huge amount of pressure on myself. And it was really all or nothing. Once the year got worse, I felt like it was all over.

Then the guilt and shame kicked in. I couldn’t even have a slightly better year… what hope did I have?

Then I heard about a different way to think about what we want from our lives, and how it could supercharge my year.

Resolutions vs intentions

First, let’s talk about resolutions.

Resolutions hold your energy in the past.

They require that you delve into your past to uncover something (or multiple things) that are broken and need fixing. You’re constantly thinking about the past–what not to do.

Say you’ve completely dropped the exercise habit. It’s broken, so to fix it you resolve to go to the gym 6 days a week and run a marathon by March. Sound familiar?

Now, let’s see what an intention looks like.

Intentions compassionately set the tone for your future. They focus on what you want to create for your FUTURE. They don’t tie you to an outcome based on your past. They simply ask that you bring mindfulness to your actions and make efforts to change.

So, same situation as before: you dropped the exercise. You choose THIS intention: I’m going to make time for movement in my daily life.

Hello, achievable and positive goal!

Let’s get one thing straight: it’s good for the soul to take stock of your life at New Years and reflect on the good or not-so-good habits you’d like to change, or ways you’d like to grow in mind, body, and spirit.

It’s just the resolution side of things that can trap you: instead of feeling positive and future focused, you’re running from your past and when you slip, you can feel a sense of failure and give up on the resolution completely.

In comparison, when you set an intention, a slip-up is viewed as part of the process. You can simply move on realizing that the next moment, is in fact, a brand new one.

The secret of change is to focus all your energy,
not on fighting the old, but on building the new.
– Socrates

You with me? If you love the sound of setting intentions and want to discover a really powerful way to do it, I love Deepak Chopra’s method that you can learn about here.

So what intention are you setting for 2019?

I’m making meditation a part of my day, because I know from the past that just 10 minutes can make all the difference. Gaia and Youtube has some incredible content on mindfulness, meditation and yoga, so I’m going to give them a try, and I might splash out on on a paid app like Calm or Headspace for their amazing guided meditations.

Speaking of apps, if you’re currently facing the reality of a breakup, separation, divorce, co-parenting journey or are a victim of domestic abuse, there is now an app to help you document absolutely everything that you need to – information, communication and evidence – so you’re ready for whatever legal obligations that may arise.

Download on the App Store

Download on Google Play


For more support, download my FREE e-book,
5 Separation & Divorce Hacks. It’s packed with helpful tips and advice from those who’ve been right where you are now. It will help you go in the right direction faster, and less painfully.

Don’t forget to LIKE us on Facebook and Instagram to stay informed and inspired daily.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on resolutions vs intentions. What intentions are you going to set this year? Let me know in the comments below.

You’re doing just fine. Take it one day at a time. And remember, be especially kind to yourself.

Love,







Annie Kendall
Founder | Hello Mojo

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