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Her Blog

It’s no secret: the first few weeks (and sometimes months) of a separation or divorce can feel like a never ending cycle of really, really bad days.

Suddenly, everything is unknown. And, if you’re like me, crying becomes your new conversation starter.

Is this really happening to me?
What am I going to do now?
Who am I supposed to be if I’m not with them?
What about our dreams and plans?
What am I supposed to tell the children?

It would be brilliant if we had superpowers that allowed us to bypass this stage of a breakup. But alas, no can do.

Right now, you’re probably overwhelmed by your unfolding situation, the needs of your children, legal advice, and the arrival of many unknown and highly volatile emotions. Yes?

So, the idea that you’d have time, or even the ability, to prescribe regular self-care at this stagehmm, it’s right up there with the idea that pigs may fly!

Well: so far, so normal. (I know because I’ve been there.)

For everyone else (happily married or happily single): a bad day may come along once or twice a year. And when it does, don’t we hear about it! These folk certainly know how to make hay while the sun shines. They go wild for treatments that pamper and soothe their soul. And, in no time at all: a three-day yoga retreat, colonics, a green juice and a few massages later they are fully revived, refreshed and ready to take on the world. (I know, I’ve been there too!)

So, why is it that when we’re going through a separation or divorce – one of the toughest experiences we can ever go through – self-care is as far from our minds as possible?

We don’t prioritise it and we certainly don’t give ourselves permission to have those ever so important me-time moments very often, if at all.

Perhaps the idea of self-care has not even crossed your mind? You view it as a selfish act at such a difficult and financially pressing time of life? You feel guilty? You’re fearful of not being able to attend to so many other more pressing matters? I could go on and on.

What is self-care?

Self-Care: “refers to actions and attitudes which contribute to the maintenance of well-being and personal health and promote human development.” – according to Wikipedia.

Well, I’d give myself a D+ with regards to how I dealt with self-care throughout my journey. My excuse: I had a baby and a toddler to take care of. They needed me.

In hindsight, my choice not to dish out self-care on a regular basis (although my excuse was absolutely valid) left me feeling emotionally and physically drained, stressed and angry most of the time. I gave myself no space or time around the avalanche of emotions to step back and reflect on what had happened or to focus on the benefits of consciously uncoupling and choosing how I wanted this experience to play-out.

Had I committed to a daily dose of self-care, I would’ve been a much more present mama, daughter, sister and friend. I would’ve dealt with a number of things differently.

And, (here’s the winning ticket) I know I would’ve come out the other side of divorce much faster than I actually did.

So, listen up: making time for self-care is uber important throughout your separation or divorce. There’s nothing to lose and everything to gain.

It’s absolutely OK to take time out for you, especially now. Don’t feel that you need to justify it – not to yourself, not anyone. You need this time as much as your family needs you to have it. Let all the painful or angry thoughts (and voices) in your head take a bathroom break.

And…get back in touch with YOU.

So, I want to share with you some of the ways that you can focus on your self-care each day. Ideas that don’t cost the world (or in fact anything at all) and certainly don’t require much preparation or indeed a three-day retreat to achieve results.

1. Get a dose of nature. Sit in your garden & simply admire the beauty of nature. Breathe. Zoom in on a bird gliding by, a beautiful flower or a ant going about his busy day. And remember: thank Mother Earth for all that she provides you. Here’s 11 cool scientific reasons that proves nature relaxes.

2. Take a bath with gorgeous essential oils and Epsom salts, and listen to some relaxing music or a meditation. When Epsom salt is dissolved in warm water, the magnesium is absorbed through the skin to help replenish magnesium levels in the body. Magnesium helps promote a feeling of calm and relaxation. It also increases energy and reduces irritability. Here are some tips to get started: HERE

3. Re-live your childhood. Think of 3 things you loved doing as a child and re-visit them. Think swimming at the beach, swinging on a swing at the park, or painting – that’s a big one. Painting and having a creative outlet can be like a form of meditation. It can lower your heart rate, reduce your stress and energise your spirit. You don’t have to be creative. You just have to give yourself permission to be the beginner. Here are some great steps to get started.

4. Star gaze. Lie down and just stare up at the stars. This can help put things in perspective.

5. Time for an e-tox! That’s right, a detox of all things electronic. Seriously: NO phone, NO computer and NO devices. If you really feel the need to, let people know the day before that you will be off the air or put a new voice mail on your phone. The true lesson here: it’s all about NOT feeling guilty. It’s OK (even liberating) to be uncontactable and not respond immediately. When you get this one right – you’ll feel a huge sense of freedom.

6. Rise & shine. Get the kids (or your bestie) up bright and early and drive to a vantage point to watch the sun rise. When you’re broken-hearted, depressed and feeling like the world is going to end, this is an awesome thing to do. Let the sun be your constant. It will always rise for you and bring with it a brand new day full of possibility.

7. An attitude of gratitude multiplies. The beginning stages of a split usually take you to quite a dark and lonely place. It may feel like there’s a hole in your heart and all the happiness and love have leaked out. Usually all you can think (and talk) about is your own pain and hurt. Well, let’s shake this up: turn your attention outward and do a random act of kindness for another. What you put out in the world you get back.

8. Live in the moment. Grab a cup of tea and then sit in your favourite spot. Center your thoughts on what you DO have in your life today. As difficult as things may be right now, try eliminating all thoughts about what you want or wish to have in your life, or where you think you would rather be. Consume your mind with being grateful for here, and now.

9. Pamper yourself. Look up a cheap and cheerful Thai place and get a loooong foot massage. Don’t use this hour of bliss as a counselling session – tell the therapist that you don’t wish to chit-chat. Caution: in the early days of your split when you’re super emotional, a massage can really stir things up: so watch out for this. And, drink plenty of water afterwards.

10. Connect with yourself. Spend the first 5 to 10 minutes of each day rolling your shoulders and neck, taking deep breaths, doing yoga, reciting a mantra or meditating. Get out of bed and put a little extra effort into how you look today. And, before breakfast drink a glass of hot water with lemon.

IMPORTANT: always have a box of tissues on hand during your time of self-care. If you feel like crying (which you probably will), just let the tears flow – don’t hold them in. Feel the emotion, experience the emotion and when you’re done, take a moment to breathe and reflect on how you feel now.

And…START TODAY


The best way to manage the stresses and strains of a separation or divorce is to practise self-care every single day.

It’s also worth your while to re-visit the Health and Well-Being section in my FREE e-book, 5 Separation and Divorce Hacks for loads of extra hints and tips.

Have you checked out our 21-Day Online Divorce Recovery Program?

This highly-acclaimed program, featured on the BBC, SKY, Cosmopolitan, The Daily News, Marie Claire, Healthy Living, The Doctors and many more, is currently the #1 Divorce Recovery Course available in the world!!  

6,132 Success Stories in over 30 Countries. 

I’m making a stand for you to reclaim your Emotional Freedom, Heal and Get Your Mojo Back so you can focus on the more important aspects of life. Why? Life is far too precious to waste being consumed by divorce. Learn more about the program here.

Want to make record-keeping of all the important things through your divorce simple and easy?

If you’re currently facing the reality of a breakup, separation, divorce, co-parenting journey or are a victim of domestic abuse, there is now an app to help you document absolutely everything – information, communication and evidence – so you’re ready for whatever legal obligations that may arise. Download Hello Mojo App today!

Download on the App Store

Download on Google Play


I’d love to know your favourite self-care rituals too. Let me know in the comments below!

You’re doing just fine. Take it one day at a time. And remember, be especially kind to yourself.

Love,






Annie Kendall
Founder | Hello Mojo

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Her Blog

When you held that tiny bundle in your arms for the first time, did you make a wish for your new baby’s future? Did you hope they’d be kind and fair? Did you gaze at your partner and imagine the happy home you’d make as a little family? I know I did.

And what about now? Perhaps when you gaze at your little ones, you have some different things running through your mind: will they be okay with the split? And are they going to turn into the narcissist you’re separating from?

What do we mean when we talk about narcissism? Some common traits are:

  • Charming at first

  • Arrogant

  • Have a sense of superiority

  • Dream of incredible success, beauty and fortune

  • Divide people into winners or losers

  • Constantly seek praise

  • Insults and demeans others to make themselves look superior

  • Regularly speak of how “unfair” life is

  • Blame everybody except themselves for their problems

Sound familiar?

Co-parenting with a narcissist is almost as hard as living with one. But raising a mini one? That’s every (non-narcissistic) parent’s nightmare. So how do you prevent your children from following in those negative footprints? And how do you protect them from all the game-playing by your narcissistic ex?

According to Bill Eddy, a lawyer, therapist, mediator and the President of High Conflict Institute, there are four key skills to teach your children that will immunise them against narcissism.

  1. Flexible Thinking.
    Children need to be taught they’re no better than anybody else, and learn that everybody has strengths and weaknesses. As parents, we should instil in them the expectation of being treated with respect, and how to treat others that way, too.

  2. Managed Emotions.

    Narcissists tend to get really angry when things go the wrong way, and their emotions get way out of control. Emotions shouldn’t be seen as something scary for children–both in others and in themselves–so we need to encourage children to express, name and regulate their emotions in a healthy way.

  3. Moderating Behaviour.
    A narcissist likes to cut people off from their love or attention on a whim. Hello, silent treatment! Children should be encouraged to avoid this all-or-nothing thinking in their relationships. Instead, you could suggest they talk through the issue with the person they are having problems with, or that they back off and give them some space respectfully.

  4. Checking Yourself.

    Narcissists are preoccupied with blaming others for their life, their emotions and their problems. If you can teach your children to check whether they’re using the skills above and encourage them to take responsibility for their own emotions, it’s unlikely you’ll find you have a little narcissist on your hands.

Encouraging these skills in your children plays a big part in guiding their development. But there’s more that you can do as a parent to protect them throughout the split. The key? According to a recent study on parenting through a separation, it’s not about discipline or sticking to a bed time. Instead, it’s crucial to model the behaviour you’re hoping to encourage:

  1. Show unconditional love for your child.

    This is fundamental to their ability to cope with the split, and essential for the development of healthy relationships.

  2. Manage your own stress.
    You can’t be perfect, and your children will see you upset, but it’s the way you deal with those emotions that will make the difference. It’s helpful to express, name and then show your child how you navigate those emotions.

  3. Let them see you in other healthy relationships.

    Watching you interact in friendships, family groups and even with a new partner models what good relationships look like.

Finally, how do you deal with the narcissist who is now your co-parent? Bill says to think of it like a business relationship–and the business is raising your children. And if you can’t have a respectful conversation in person or on the phone, text and email is the way to go… just don’t forget that sometimes things that blow up over email will calm down face to face.

I’d love to hear your tactics for helping your children get through tricky times. Let me know in the comments below.

If you’re currently facing the reality of a breakup, separation or divorce there is now a FREE app that helps you document absolutely everything you need to help protect your rights, your children and your money.

Hello Mojo app, available for download on the App Store and Google Play Store in the USA, UK and Australia, quickly and privately captures the important details required to prepare your case — and, all your ongoing communication and evidence in the one safe place. You’ll always be ready for any legal obligations that may arise.

Download on the App Store

Download on Google Play


For more support, download my FREE e-book, 5 Separation & Divorce Hacks. It’s an easy read and packed with helpful tips and advice from those who’ve been right where you are now. It will help you go in the right direction faster, and less painfully.

You’re doing just fine. Take it one day at a time. And remember, be especially kind to yourself.

Love,







Annie Kendall
CEO/Founder | Hello Mojo

PS.
Are you separating from our spouse or getting divorced?? Be sure to check out The Hello Directory — A one-stop divorce resources directory.  Connect with trusted businesses, products and services both locally and abroad across all aspects of the journey that will support and enrich your separation experience. 

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Her Blog

If you’re reading this post, I’ll assume it’s not just out of curiosity. Instead, I’m guessing there’s a reason why you, your partner or both of you are jointly seeking a divorce.

Perhaps there’s been an affair. Domestic violence. You fell out of love. You and your partner mutually agree the relationship needs to end for one reason or another. Or, one partner may be aspiring for more. 

If you’re at the start of this journey one of the many burning question may be ‘can this reason be consider as legal grounds for divorce?’.

Well–to answer that question you’ll need to know whether you’re filing for divorce in a system that recognizes at-fault or no-fault divorces. And, if you’re residing in an at-fault divorce state what are the legal reasons for divorce.

So, let’s break this down for the USA, Australia and UK.


Grounds for Divorce in the USA

At-Fault Divorces (USA)

There are many reasons for a couple or individual to be considering divorce. The reasons for divorce, however, must ultimately fall into what the court considers to be adequate legal grounds. This means, you will need to provide hard evidence as to the reason or misconduct and subsequent irretrievable breakdown of your marriage. It must also fall into legally defined categories.

The legally accepted reasons for divorce can vary from state to state so be sure to seek legal advice within your state and jurisdiction before proceeding.  

Here are the most common at-fault divorce reasons:

  • Adultery or cheating
  • Bigamy
  • Desertion
  • Mental incapacity at time of marriage
  • Marriage between close relatives
  • Impotence at time of marriage
  • Force or fraud in obtaining the marriage
  • Criminal conviction and/or imprisonment
  • Mental or physical abuse
  • Drug or alcohol addiction
  • Mental illness

No-Fault Divorces (USA)

When you and your spouse want a divorce but neither one of you is at fault (or you don’t have sufficient evidence to prove an at-fault divorce) there is the option to file for a no-fault divorce in most US states. Filing is still based on legal grounds. 

Here are some of the terms that are commonly used to describe a no-fault cases:

  • Irreconcilable differences
  • Incompatibility
  • Irretrievable breakdown

You can find out more on Grounds for Divorce in the USA  here.


Grounds for Divorce in Australia

No-Fault Divorces (Australia)

When granting a divorce to couples in Australia the Federal Circuit Court of Australia does not consider why a marriage ended. The only ground for divorce is that the marriage broke down and there is no reasonable likelihood that the parties will get back together. 

The granting of a divorce does not determine issues of financial support, property distribution or arrangements for children. It simply recognises that the marriage has ended.

You need to satisfy the Court that you and your spouse have lived separately and apart for at least 12 months, and there is no reasonable likelihood of resuming married life. It is possible to live together in the same home and still be separated.

You can find out more on Grounds for Divorce in Australia here.


Grounds for Divorce in the United Kingdom

In England and Wales, a divorce is allowed on the ground that the marriage has irretrievably broken down. The Matrimonial Causes Act 1973 specifies that the marriage may be found to have irretrievably broken down if one of the following is established:

  • Adultery
  • Unreasonable behaviour
  • Desertion (two years)
  • Separation, agreed divorce (two years)
  • Separation, contested divorce (five years)

A divorce in England and Wales is only possible for marriages of more than one year and when the marriage has irretrievably broken down. 

In March 2020, a bill introducing “no-fault” divorces in England and Wales was backed by MPs. The Divorce, Dissolution and Separation Bill passed its first hurdle in the Commons by 231 votes to 16 against, following a debate. The bbc.com reports that the bill is designed to make the legal process, cost and pain of divorce to families and children less painful. 

You can find out more on the Grounds for Divorce in the UK here.

How Should I Proceed?

Legal advice is an essential part of the separation and divorce process. It’s strongly recommended that you get advice relevant to your jurisdiction before you get started. Hello Mojo is not a law firm and does not claim to give legal advice. 

Want to know how you can protect yourself, your children & your money from day one of your separation? Check out our blog post Getting Divorce? 10 Steps for a Savvy Separation for a detailed checklist of everything you need to do.

Hello Mojo’s The Hello Directory  is a trusted hub for you to connect with businesses, products and services that will support and enrich your separation experience. This is a global directory covering every aspect of the separation process from lawyers to divorce coaches, health and wellness specialists to ring resellers, money experts and counselling services plus so much more. The perfect resource to set you off in the right direction. 

For more support download our FREE ebook 5 Separation & Divorce Hacks for loads more tips and information on getting started.

You’re doing just fine.  Take it one day at a time.  And remember, be especially kind to yourself. 

With love & gratitude,



Annie Kendall
Founder | Hello Mojo

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Her Blog

My biggest pain point at the start of this journey (besides the thought of not being able to see my kids every day, and grappling with the harsh reality of being all on my own now) was how to get started with the process of separation. In fact, I had absolutely no idea what should’ve been my first steps for divorce until I met with a lawyer a few weeks after our split.

I arrived at my lawyer’s office with an empty notepad, a pen and my purse stuffed in the side pocket of a baby bag (oh, and I was carrying my sleeping 4-months-old baby). I was trembling with fear. I was 110% underprepared and had never felt so vulnerable.

I sank down into the depths of a big armchair across from my lawyer and was schooled on what was going to happen. The panic set in as I learned more and more about the things I needed to do, or rather, the things I should have done already.

I started on the back foot with the admin process and felt like I never caught up. I was completely overwhelmed, extremely emotional, fearful, and of course stressed that I’d left myself wide open for possible financial ruin.

If only someone had told me the essential must-do first steps for divorce right back in week one!

Well, you won’t have to make the same mistakes or learn the hard way. Here’s the guide I wished someone had given me on day one of my separation.This is just the first steps for divorce; for protecting yourself, your children and your money. Think of it like a personal insurance policy to help you go in the right direction more quickly, and less painfully.

This guide applies even if your situation is amicable. It is not a complete list of everything that you’ll need to do throughout your separation or divorce – it’s just a good place to start in week one. And, did I mention, the information you gather here will be extremely helpful in your first meeting with a legal professional or mediator.

Firstly, here’s what to do in the first 24-hours:

1. Tell someone
And I don’t mean update your Facebook status! Think about telling your parents, a best friend, colleague or even the police: someone that will help you to feel supported, safe and loved. Things are real now and your only choice is to move forwards. Today, you need to breathe deep. You’ve got this.

2. Turn off iCloud sharing on all of the devices
Love it or hate it, you can’t argue: technology enhances and improves our lives in so many amazing ways. But in the wrong hands technology can be used as a tool to control and monitor. From today onwards you don’t need your spouse or ex checking up on your emails, messages or calendar. Stay smart.

3. Jot down those important details swirling around in your head
The “D” word – documenting – is an extremely daunting-but-vital part of the separation and divorce process.  I cover this in more details below. But for today, all you need to do is jot down any important details that spring to mind, and make notes about any incidents that involve you or your children (and stick to the facts).

Stress will impact your ability to remember the finer details – and soon there will be so many things to remember that it’ll become difficult to recall correctly.  Get things on the record while they’re fresh in your mind.

Once you’ve managed to take a breath, you feel as safe and supported as you can be, there are some important steps that you should take.

Next, 10 essential steps to help protect yourself, your children & your money:

1. Get some advice
I know the first week, especially, is extremely tough as you deal with an onslaught of new emotions. You can be too quick to make decisions (and the wrong ones at that). And your actions can be driven by fear or revenge, or one of the other five hundred emotions you are feeling!

As soon as possible get some professional advice on your situation. You may not be in a position to appoint a lawyer in this first week or even want to – but, you should talk with someone about the legal ramifications of ending your marriage or de facto relationship.

Think about contacting a relationship support line, government support agency (both usually free calls) or a legal firm.

2. Take a vacay from social media
Period. Ah-huh… that’s right. Period. NO posting cryptic memes.

3. Communication Caution
What you say, write or do could come back to bite you if your split gets messy (or even if it doesn’t). Careful with SMS, emails, social media and all your conversations (on the phone or in person).

Don’t sign or promise anything to your ex while you are in a heightened state of shock, denial or rage etc. Let your ex know that you need a few days to digest what is going on before you make any firm commitments (and use that opportunity to seek legal advice).

Also, be careful with whom you speak to. Your friends may end up choosing sides (and quite possibly not yours!).

4. Change PIN numbers
Firstly, your email account(s). While you’re at it, set up a new email account to be used for correspondence from lawyers etc. Then go for gold: PINS, usernames and password for everything and anything – banks, investment houses, superannuation, apple ID etc.

Keep all records in a single document and in a secure place. And, check who has their fingerprint registered to be able to unlock your phone.

5. Children

(a) Telling the children:
If your situation is amicable, suggest to your ex that you make an agreement about when and where you will tell the children about what’s going on.

My suggestion is that you first do some research or seek advice on the best way to do this as it varies a great deal by age group. Check out Helping Your Kids Cope with Divorce the Sandcastles Way by M Gary Neuman.

And, never discuss your relationship issues in front of the children (even while you are on the phone). You can buy the book here.

(b) Sorting out a temporary visitation schedule:
If your split means that one parent is moving out, you may wish to draw up an interim parenting plan with your ex as to visitation arrangements for the children.

Ensure that both parties recognise that it is an interim plan until formal arrangements have been made. You should always seek legal advice before any agreements are drawn up or signed.

Removing yourself from the picture (i.e. you leaving the family home without the children) is not recommended as this could potentially impact future custody arrangements. Always, seek legal advice about children’s issues as soon as possible.

And, of course, if you have any concerns about your safety or that of your children be sure to seek support, remove yourself and the children from danger and contact authorities immediately.

(c) Inform the children’s school:
It’s a good idea (in any case), especially if you have concerns, to inform your child’s school (extra-curricular co-ordinators etc) that you are going through a separation.

Ask that they inform you immediately of any odd behaviour by the child or other parent.

Ensure that teachers and carers are aware of which parent is to collect the child from school on which days.

6. Close off your joint accounts
Consider closing your joint account. Talk to your bank to establish your own account with your own pool of money, and make sure the other joint account holder can’t access it.

Check that your pay is going into this new account.

If you don’t close the joint account ask about a dual signature requirement for withdrawal.

7. Cancel your redraw facility
Talk to your bank to cancel any redraw facility on your home loan to make sure your debts don’t grow. This only applies to some markets.

8. Do a financial stocktake

(a) Assets & Debts:
 
Make a quick list of all personal and joint assets and debts (and those for your ex if you have access to the statements). This information will be useful when you seek legal advice. Here is a sample template for assessing a Household Balance Sheet.

(b) Bills & Expenses: 
Depending on your situation, you may need to sit down with your ex and look over the upcoming bills, repayments and standard household costs. Make a list of who agrees to pay for what, if there is a need to make changes. But, as always, seek advice from a legal professional or financial advisor as soon as possible.

You should never be pressured into making a decision or agreement that you are not 100% OK with.

9. Do a household items stocktake
Go room to room and list down anything of value that you feel needs to be on record (don’t forget to visit the garage!).

Take photos of each item of value and make sure the geo-stamp and location tracker are turned on.

Unfortunately, things do go missing during a separation and divorce. If you have something of personal value, consider moving it to a safer location if necessary.

Remember to list the removed item in your property settlement if advised to do so.

10. Start documenting vital information
There are a few ways to do this:
(1) you can grab yourself a notepad and pen, or
(2) allow your lawyer to do the work for you, or
(3) you can download Hello Mojo’s FREE documenting app— a quick and easy mobile-based app designed to get you started on the right foot, keep you organised and get everything on the record — communication, vital information and evidence — start to finish.

Either way, here’s what you need to know about documenting:

First things first, make a decision on how you wish to document.

If you choose to use a WORD doc ensure that the track changes function is turned ON, and always have a backup copy. You will need a hard copy folder for printouts and other evidence.

Start documenting from today onwards. Don’t worry if you have missed documenting vital information, communication and evidence already – you will get to this in time (just don’t delete the SMS and email messages until you have copies on file). Make a few bullet points of past events if you think you will forget.

What to document?
(a) Note down important dates (like your separation date), and the details leading up to your separation (use only facts and non-emotive language).

(b) Do a personal profile for the adults and children in your family (i.e. names, DOB, address, employment, salary etc.).

(c) Keep copies of important communication both in and out (i.e. email, SMS, phone logs etc.), vital information, monies in and out, serious incidents (i.e. domestic abuse etc.), commitments made (i.e. a promise by one parent to take the children to the park and then that parent doesn’t show etc), and all matters relating to the children.

(d) It also a good idea to note down what assets and debts you and your ex brought to the relationship and what contributions either party made to them throughout the relationship.

(e) Lastly, make a quick list of your personal contributions (think: income, household admin, taking care of children etc) during the relationship and also right now.

Make documenting a daily ritual from here on in. Record by date and time. Attempt to link any conversations had over multiple communication channels. Always keep your documents in a safe location. I know this sounds overwhelming — but, you’ve got this (Hello Mojo app will make it easy)!

If you’re on a roll, here are a few extras first steps for divorce to add to your list:

11. Seek legal advice 
It’s a good idea to research your options for legal representation as well as a number of firms before signing up. For a list of interview questions you should ask legal firms, check out my ebook, 5 Separation and Divorce Hacks.

12. Property
If you have property held in joint names, or just in your ex’s name it’s advised that you get some advice about what needs to happen, if property is held in your partner’s name, to prevent it being sold before the property settlement.

13. Wills
On the subject of legal advice – start thinking about updating your will, POA, healthcare directives, superannuation beneficiary nominations and life insurance policy.

14. Sorting out your living arrangements

(a) Discuss what is going to happen with regards to your living arrangements or seek alternative accommodation, if necessary. Always make your safety the top priority and contact authorities if you have any concerns about domestic violence.

(b) Update your rental agreement: if your name is on the lease then you can be liable for any unpaid rent or damage caused by your spouse or ex.

(c) Update your utility bills: if your name is on the account then you can be liable for any unpaid bill.

IMPORTANT FOR EXPATS:

If you live abroad, immediately seek advice on how The Hague Convention Treaty may affect what you can and can’t do.

With these first steps for divorce in hand, hopefully you’re feeling a little less overwhelmed. Hello Mojo’s blog is another great place to start and will give you helpful tips and foster a positive mental attitude for your separation journey.

Want to make record-keeping of all the important things through your divorce simple and easy?

If you’re currently facing the reality of a breakup, separation, divorce, co-parenting journey or are a victim of domestic abuse, there is now an app to help you document absolutely everything – information, communication and evidence – so you’re ready for whatever legal obligations that may arise. Download Hello Mojo App today!

Let Hello Mojo help you to secure your best possible outcome.

Download on the App Store

Download on Google Play

And, have you seen our 21-Day Online Divorce Recovery Program?

When the time is right you should definitely look at doing our 21-Day Online Divorce Recovery Program.

This highly-acclaimed program, featured on the BBC, SKY, Cosmopolitan, The Daily News, Marie Claire, Healthy Living, The Doctors and many more, is currently the #1 Divorce Recovery Course available in the world!!  

6,132 Success Stories in over 30 Countries. 


I’m making a stand for you to reclaim your Emotional Freedom, Heal and Get Your Mojo Back so you can focus on the more important aspects of life.

Your life is far too precious to waste being consumed by divorce. Learn more about the program here.

Need more support?

Grab my FREE ebook, 5 Separation & Divorce Hacks for loads more tips and information on getting started.

You’re doing just fine. Take it one day at a time. And remember, be especially kind to yourself.

With love & gratitude,






Annie Kendall
Founder | Hello Mojo

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Her Blog

A major life change, like divorce, presents the perfect chance to clear out all the stuff that no longer serves or lights you up. Decluttering your life and freeing yourself of anything that doesn’t bring you joy can ease the ride. So, keep it simple. Let go of anything that feels like it’s weighing you down – physical stuff, people, memories, mindset – and, move forward invigorated, empowered and ready to embrace the new.

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Her Blog

Engaging kids are in meaningful conversation when you’re face to face is tricky enough. 

When your kids are with their other parent, and you’re trying to chat to them over the phone it can be almost impossible. “How was your day?” is usually met with a one-word response “Good” or “OK”, and “What did you do?” with “Nothing” or “Not much”.

Here are some tips that can help to take it a little further:

1 : LEARN
Become a student of whatever it is your kids are interested in. Develop an interest in their interests so you can engage knowledgeably with them and ask relevant questions. ASK them about whatever it is they love to do. Maybe one of your kids loves reading. Pick a book for you both to read, so you can talk about. Ask about the main character in the book they’re reading. Snowboarding. Soccer. Sewing. Singing. Whatever they love, find a way to connect with them about it. Just remember, what they loved in January, may not be the same by July.

2 : LISTEN
Actively listen to what they tell you about what they do, who they talk to, what they watch. Even if you have to remind yourself to TAKE NOTES. KNOW their friends and what they most like doing with them. Know the games they play and TV programs or movies they like to watch. Know the names of their teachers, and sporting coaches. Subjects they are studying. Where they went on the school excursion. Books they are reading. You Tubers they are following.

3 : BE ATTENTIVE
When your kids DO talk, fully attend to what they are saying. Reflect back to them what you’ve heard. Ask them a question to clarify what they’ve already said. Kids know if you’re really interested and have your attention by the way you respond. Actively attending and engaging with them shows them you care about what they have to say and encourages them to talk more. Kids are more likely to share their thoughts and feelings, even just the daily stuff of their life, if they feel you think what they have to say is important.

4 : ALLOW THEM TIME
Kids often take time to gather their thoughts or find the right word. Listen like you have all the time in the world. (In fact, make sure you DO have all the time they need; try not to schedule a call when you have only a short window of time.) Hear your kids out. Avoid cutting them off or offering them a word or phrase if they are taking a long time. It’s easy to jump in, offering a thought, opinion or solution for your child but resist the urge. If anything, offer a gentle “yep… I’m listening…” and allow them the time to find their own way of expressing whatever it is they want to tell you.

5 : TIME IT RIGHT
Choose the times you call wisely. Not dinnertime, bedtime or when kids are likely to be tired, cranky or otherwise engaged. Not when you know your co-parent is trying to get them out the door to an appointment or get homework done. While a fixed communication schedule will help some kids and families, and alleviate anxiety (for both kids and parents) about when communication will take place, it won’t work for others. As above, make sure you schedule a call for when you have plenty of time. You never know… they may want to chat for hours!

6 : DON’T FORCE IT
Communication between you and your child when they are with their other parent is purely for the benefit of the child. Although gentle encouragement may be necessary, children should never be forced to talk and nor should this chat time be used to extract information from your child about their other parent and what’s going on in their home. It is for you to maintain a healthy connection to your kids while they’re not with you. 

7 : TAKE IT TO THEM
A voice call is just one way of staying in touch with your kids when they’re with their co-parent. There are also plenty of other options, offering voice, text and video communication. Snapchat, Messenger, WhatsApp, Voxer, Skype, Zoom. Take it to them. Communicate on their level and in the mode they are most comfortable. This is easier, safer and more relevant with older kids are who have access to their own device. With younger children, phone or iPad / laptop communication remains the most common and may require some supervision. Supervision however doesn’t mean stalking. For your kids to have a meaningful conversation and share freely, they need some degree of privacy. Finding a balance between supervision and privacy is important but of course, both parents need to be on board, with the safety and wellbeing of the child being most important.

8 : IF ALL ELSE FAILS
A simple text telling your child that you’re thinking of them; a photo of something you saw that reminded you of them; a gif they will think is funny or silly… all can keep the communication channels open.

HERE ARE SOME QUESTIONS TO ASK YOUR KIDS (age and stage appropriate) to get your kids talking:

  1. Tell me 3 things that happened today…
  2. What was the best / worst / funniest / silliest thing that happened today?
  3. What was your favourite / least favourite part of school / soccer /dancing / your day?
  4. What music have you heard today? Did you have a song in your head today?
  5. If you could eat ANYTHING for dinner tonight / lunch tomorrow, what would it be?
  6. What did you like better today? Recess or lunch? The morning or the afternoon?
  7. WOW! I didn’t’ know that. Can you tell me more about…?
  8. What else can you tell me about that?
  9. Really? What happened then?
  10. That’s so interesting. Is there more you know about that?
  11. And what did that make you think?
  12. So, how did you feel about that?
  13. What do you think you’ll do next?
  14. What are you looking forward to tomorrow / next week?
  15. What was one thing you did to help someone / someone did to help you today?
  16. What’s one thing you want to learn how to do?
  17. Was there something that made you laugh / cry / feel happy / sad today?
  18. What was the last dream you can remember having?
  19. If you could invent one thing what would it be?
  20. If you could have a superpower, what would it be?
  21. On a scale of 1-10, how would you rate your day today? Why do you say that? How could you make tomorrow a 10?
  22. If you could be famous for one thing, what would it be?
  23. If you were a Disney / Marvel character who would you be? Why?
  24. What makes (name one of their friends) so special / such a good friend / so much fun to be around?
  25. Tell me about 3 things that went well for you today?

As the conversation comes to an end, praise the positive. Finish with something that will make your child happy they’ve talked with you and more likely to want to talk again.

“I’m so glad you shared that with me” or  “I really like hearing what you’ve been up to”, or “It’s great to hear about what you think / feel.” Reassure them about when you will talk next, “talk to you tomorrow / on Wednesday / next week,” before saying goodbye.

When my kids were little, we had a sign off we used at the end of every phone call “Bye. Love you. See you.” It was a way of finishing our conversation, knowing the connection is over for now (BYE), reaffirming that we that we love one another (LOVE YOU) and that we will be together again soon (SEE YOU). 

Maybe you and your kids will find your own unique family sign-off? However you choose to end your conversations with your kids here’s hoping they are filled with love and laughter and are at least occasionally longer than it takes to dial their number! 

Sallyanne is a Divorce Coach who works with clients to make their journey through divorce and beyond smoother, less painful and less costly – emotionally and financially.

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Her Blog

At Hello Mojo we’re often asked ‘SHOULD I go back to my former name?’. To help you better understand the ins and outs of this issue, and what to do if you’d like to change your name back after separation or divorce, we talked to Genevieve Dennis at Easy Name Change. Here is her advice.

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Her Blog

If the countdown to Christmas is giving you chills, and every ad showing a happy family enjoying a celebratory lunch is making you well up… I get it. It’s the big moments in the year, like Christmas, that really make it hit home: things have changed. And, yes, when you’re thinking about not being a ‘whole’ family unit anymore, not enjoying your in-laws traditions, having to share your kids on Christmas day, it’s true that the idea of the most wonderful time of the year can feel anything but. Besides, who’s going to put a present under the tree for you?

But here’s the thing. Things are going to be different, sure, but they can be good different. This is the year you get to make Christmas your own. This is the moment you can begin some new traditions. And, with a little preparation, it is possible to crowd out your worries, fears and disappointments with a ton of love, joy, and gratitude. Forget the bitching and the blaming, let’s look at how to make this day emotional for all the right reasons.

Here are five ways to help you get through the holiday season:

1. Plan ahead

It might not be the most fun thing on your to-do list, but make plans with your ex about where the children will spend their holidays now and you’ll be thanking yourself later. 

Now, let’s take care of you. Have a think:

>>> Where will you spend Christmas Day and NYE?

>>> Who will you spend time with? Start sussing out your circle’s plans now.

>>> What will you wear? Is it time to splurge on a new outfit?

>>> What gifts do you want? Be sure you buy yourself exactly what you want this year. Alternatively, give a friend $100 and ask them to surprise you.

>>> Make sure your ex or a relative or friend is tasked with helping your children buy a gift for you, too.

2. Do some good

Christmas can be stressful and costly – or it can be filled with love, gratitude and good deeds. If you fancy the latter, commit to being of service to your community this year – and watch as it warms your heart more than any present. Need some inspiration? 

>>> Bake a cake for a neighbour, or offer to look after their plants if they’re going away.

>>> Visit your local neighbourhood centre on Christmas Day and serve food for the less fortunate.

>>> Gift wrap small bundles of clothes that you or your children have grown out of and deliver to charity.

>>> Between now and Christmas Eve put in one item per day in a basket. Books, biscuits, writing paper and pens, tea bags, a jumper you don’t wear anymore–anything at all you think will bring joy to someone else.

>>> Commit to doing one good deed per day. 

3. Keep it simple

The holiday season will be here before you know it. Don’t set yourself up for failure (or total exhaustion) by planning events every night and all weekend, or by setting unachievable goals in the lead up to Christmas Day. Don’t give yourself any reason to feel like you’ve let yourself down. And when New Year’s Eve comes around set yourself some powerful intentions rather than the usual resolutions, which are usually difficult to restart if you let slip.

4. Have a laugh

Be prepared. Don’t find yourself home alone without the essential rom coms, Christmas flicks and comedies. Make a list early and source the best of the best. Then turn your lounge room into a cinema experience, kick back and have a good laugh.

5. Give to your family

The best gift you can give your child or children this holiday season is the strong sense that the pain you are experiencing does not have to last forever.  I’m not saying that you have to go from breakdown to breakthrough on Christmas night – it’s more about a way of being for your entire journey. Show your children how it’s possible to positively navigate the ups and downs of your breakdown, to be flexible in your thinking, to gently manage your emotions, and then breakthrough to live a life you (and they) love.

If there’s just one thing you take away from all this, let it be this: get things sorted out early, and manage your expectations.

Remember: this Christmas is going to be different, but it can be good different with a little forethought. Will it be emotional? You bet! You’ll need to breathe deep, pop on a positive mindset and surrender in the knowledge that the holiday season gifts opportunities for personal growth like no other.

May your holiday season be filled with love, gratitude… and lots of smiles. You’ve got this!

I’d love to hear all the new traditions you’re starting this year, and the things you’re happy to leave behind. Tell me all about it in the comments below.

If you’re currently facing the reality of a breakup, separation, divorce, co-parenting journey or are a victim of domestic abuse, there is now an app to help you document absolutely everything – information, communication and evidence – so you’re ready for whatever legal obligations that arise.

Download on the App Store

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Need more? Download my FREE e-book, 5 Separation & Divorce Hacks. It’s packed with helpful tips and advice from those who’ve already walked a mile in your shoes. It will help you go in the right direction faster, and less painfully.

You’re doing just fine. Take it one day at a time. And remember, be especially kind to yourself.

Love,







Annie Kendall
Founder | Hello Mojo

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Her Blog

Self-identity and self-concept are largely developed through friends, family, values and simple day-to-day activities – all of which become incredibly intertwined in a long-term relationship. So when a relationship ends, the self-identity and self-concept that we have developed with our partners is suddenly pulled like a rug from beneath our feet. 

It leaves us feeling lost. We struggle to find out who we are, without them.

This struggle for a new sense of self-identity without our partner is why we see many newly single people take drastic measures such as getting tattoos, changed haircuts or in some cases leaving their jobs; they are trying to rediscover a less ‘shared’ sense of self. This process however, can often leave people feeling even more confused – this removal from a previously comfortable self-identity can lead to emptiness and an even longer road to rediscovering our true sense of self.

So, how can you go about rediscovering who you are on your own – reserving your clarity on your self-identity? How can you start to navigate the path of being a single entity rather than a partnership?

My name is Sally Golding — it’s lovely to meet you. I’m an online Divorce Support Angel & Relationship Coach and here is the advice I give my newly single clients on how to start this process:

Go to your support system

One of the most important steps to take after a break up is realising that you don’t have to do it alone. Men, in particular, find it hard to reach out to friends and family when they are in emotional turmoil, however, your support system is key in getting your self-identity back on track.

Spend time with people that love you, support you and that will offer a soothing rub and word of encouragement when you are down. If you share many of your friends with your ex, try and ensure you don’t concentrate on them as a topic – focus on yourself and enjoying the time spent with the special people you have in your life.

Self-care

The typical break up scenario involves long hours on the couch, a couple of tubs of ice cream and a big serving of self-pity. While this is okay for a weekend or so after the break up, the sooner you get up and out – the better you will feel. Self-care is an essential aspect to rediscovering your self-identity and confidence after a break up.

Looking after yourself from the inside out is the best way to start feeling good again. Eat healthy, drink lots of water, join a gym and get out into nature if possible. Being happy really is closely linked to being healthy. It isn’t just your physical aspects to consider and you should work on your spiritual self too; take up meditation, yoga, writing, join a program such as Naked Divorce or another kind of support system that will help you get your mind back on track.

Set goals

Setting goals is a wonderful way to get your mind focused on something other than the break up. Whether it’s as small as doing a yoga class or going for a walk three times a week, or something a little more large scale like running a marathon or getting a promotion at work – having a goal to work towards to will push your limits, help you to focus on positive things and you’ll be rewarded with an amazing sense of achievement once you’ve conquered what you set out to do. Set a goal and work towards it and you’ll be amazed at what happens to your self-confidence.

Do things that you love

We are all passionate about something and doing things we love is incredibly nurturing for the soul. Think about the things you enjoyed before your relationship that you may have given up and if possible try and get stuck into doing them again. These could be anything from dance classes or drawing, to guitar or kayaking; do whatever it is that sets your soul on fire.

You can also try new things if you aren’t sure what you really love – take up a sculpting class, volunteer at a soup kitchen or walk dogs at animal shelters; activities that give you a sense of purpose are particularly effective at helping you to understand what it is that you are truly passionate about.

Take the time to grieve

I often find that many of my clients jump into new relationships too soon. This mainly stems from the loss of identity and self-concept that is experienced after a traumatic break up – people tend to have forgotten how to be on their own.

My advice is always to take the time to grieve. You have lost an important part of your life and it’s only right that you spend enough time getting over the trauma rather than simply putting a band-aid on it. Don’t wallow in self-pity, but take the time to learn who you are without a partner, don’t rush into anything and you’ll find a renewed confidence within yourself when you are perfectly at home in your own body and your own mind.

These are just some of the many things you can do to try and rediscover who you are on your own, but most importantly, you need to practice self-love; your body and your mind are the only permanent home you’ll have forever.

As a Divorce Angel myself, my door is always open and I am here to help you move forward free from hurt and full of confidence.

*Special Offer*

Today I’m offering Hello Mojo’s community my professional counselling services for FREE*. No matter whether you are in the early days of a breakup or are coming out the other side of your divorce, my no-obligation *FREE* 30 minute Clarity Call will help you formulate a plan to take your next step forward with confidence.

To book your *FREE* 30 minute Clarity Call contact me here.

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